I’m excited to share with you a new series I’m starting called, “Talk Till Dawn”, I want this to be about my everyday life, the things I’m reading, eating, my everyday ups and down, along with photos that I’ve taken over the week.
I haven’t decided yet how often this will be, right now I’m just going to get it going and see what comes of it. I encourage you to share with me similar situations and we can all support one another.
My life and home is far from perfect even though I always share with you pretty home decor picture. Now from time to time I’ll give you a look at how things can get out of control like everyone else’s life.
This will be one of the most heart breaking post I’ll ever write. If you follow along with “Talk Till Dawn” you know in the last episode I was traveling to Florida to help my Mom out while she was having some health problems.
I got there and found her very weak, but happy to see me. She was diagnosed with a incurable untreatable lung disease in January after having a bout of phenomena. She had a 3 week stay in the hospital where they gave her antibiotic and steroids and she seemed to be recovering and was sent home.
She had a hard time getting her strength back, but after time she did bounce back and came to my house for the month of June. We had a wonderful month together sitting on the front porch and talking the evenings away.
She returned back to Florida only to have the phenomena return, and become hospitalized again. Once she was released and went home I decided she’d put me off from coming long enough so I headed south.
I was quite concerned when I got to her place, she was on oxygen full time, very weak, and not eating well. I headed straight to her doctor and didn’t leave the office until they had a referral and an appointment at the Cleveland Clinic set up.
We loaded her up and made the trip to Cleveland Clinic. While she was having a CT San something happened and she was no longer able to breath. She was rushed to the ER where they did everything they could but she lost the battle and passed away on October 10th.
I’m heartbroken by the loss and wonder how I’ll ever do life without her. One of the biggest voids in my life is talking to her. We talked on the phone at least once a day every day, and I now feel like I have no one to talk too and I’m keeping a lot to myself.
There was no explanation for her having lung disease, and that makes it even worse for us. The doctors asked all kind of questions trying to figure it out, and our only answer to the questions were NO.
I’m currently in Florida again along with my brother taking care of my moms belongings. Thank goodness she wasn’t a clutter bug and had her final wishes in place, making it much easier on us. We’ve decided to have a party with balloons and people sharing favorite memories of my Mom rather than a traditional funeral.
We want to celebrate her life rather than her death. It will be another hard day for me and as of yet I haven’t allowed myself to have a break down. I keep telling myself I have to get through one more day, and one more thing before I can fall apart.
I miss her terribly but she was suffering those last few days and I knew letting her go was the right thing to do. I think of all the things she’ll miss in my kids lives and that makes me sad, but I do have peace knowing she’s with Jesus and no longer struggling to take a breath.
I know life goes on but for me right now I’m selfishly wishing she was here.
Until next time take care and thank you for spending the time talking till dawn with me today!
I’m so very sorry for your loss, Dawn.
Oh Dawn, I am so sorry for your loss. Praying for you as you grieve the loss of your mom.
Oh my gosh, I am so sorry Dawn. That must be so difficult with unanswered questions. Please take care of yourself.
Thanks for sharing with us and I send prayers of Compassion and Peace. Even in your sorrow, you managed to flavor your story with harmony in the beautiful images you gave us. Life is eternal and infinite and knowing that, your Mom is always just a thought away from you. Blessings – Jan
So very sorry ((Hugs)) Peace and healing
Sending hugs! Grieve your way, not what others expect.
My eyes are filled with tears for your sadness. Take care of yourself as you grieve. The road can be long, but there will be brighter days ahead. Remember your blog readers care.
So very sorry, Dawn. Think of the wonderful memories often… it will make your grief bearable. Take care… you have lots of “friends” thinking of you and sending warm thoughts to you! -Jill from Maine 🙂
So sorry. It is so hard to lose our mom! Writing about your mom here and keeping all those precious memories alive will help you in your grieving process. I do really enjoy your blog and will keep you and your family in our thoughts.
Dawn- I’m thinking of you and praying for the Lord to help you through this time of unexpected grief. What a comfort it must be to know that your Mother is with Jesus now. You’ll have a big hole in your heart for some time, that’s to be expected when you were so close to your Mom. You’ll miss her forever, I know.
Dawn, and family, SOOO sorry for the loss of this special light in your life. I’ve enjoyed past posts about your Mom and her time at your house, all the fun and great memories you shared and made. I’m sure you’ll keep these close in the coming days. Love and prayers to you all.
From your last post, you mention about something about hard to go through. I had a feeling about a lost and sadness. You’re not selfish wanting your mom back. Your loss is recent and heartbreaking. I am happy that you had the month of June and daily conversations with your mom. Celebrating your mom’s life is wonderful. Take care, Kathleen in Az
There is no selfishness in wanting your mom to still be with you. It’s as it should be. I lost my mother 10 years ago and while I still miss her, time has tempered the pain (and the guilt we as daughters and caretakers will always feel.) I find myself lately not grieving because of what my mother is missing in life, but saying to myself, “I’m glad Mom isn’t here to see/hear/know this.” She had become so frail and ill in her last months/weeks, there are things going on in this world that would have been so distressing and upsetting to her. It actually gives me some comfort knowing that she does not have to deal with the real world problems any longer. Her heart and soul knows nothing but love and peace now, so let that help you in your healing. You will feel her presence around you on occasion. Smile when that happens and know that her spirit is watching over her lovely daughter.
Sweet friend, I am giving you permission to break down. You need to get it all out. When I was young, my father died unexpectedly. He had developed pneumonia and a bronchial tube ruptured while he was in the hospital but they couldn’t save him. I was strong for my family and my mother at the time and never truly dealt with my grief. Let it out and be good to yourself. Things will get done somehow. Love you!
Dawn, your loss is hard, no doubt about it, yes it is okay to miss your mother. So glad you were there in her final days, what a good daughter to be there trying to help her. May God bless you and comfort you and your family. You have a lifetime of treasured memories!
So sorry, Dawn. It’s so hard.
Thinking of you & your family.
I am sending hugs, prayers and asking you to remember the good times. Grief does lessen as time goes by but never leaves entirely❤️
Dawn..I am so sorry to hear this. It is so hard to have our parents leave us..Share the memories you have with her. Prayers for all of your family and especially to you..
I’m so sorry you and your mom had to go through this long illness. I know she must have treasured her time spent with you, those will be such precious memories. Please take care of yourself and give yourself permission to grieve. I know when my dad passed I had a delayed time of deep grief. It’s better to trust God and let Him walk you through it soon. God Bless You, Dawn.
Sorry for your loss Dawn. I lost my Mom in November of 2006. Miss her everyday. Time does heal but it does take time. Be good to yourself and grieve and take some Dawn time. Focus on your family and the
events that are coming up. Take care. <3