Weight Loss The Dirty Secret Part #1

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Blueberry Protein Smoothie Recipe


The battle, does it ever end? Why can’t I just go to bed one night fat and wake up the next morning skinny? And after turning the big FIVE-O it’s an even bigger battle! Yes, I’m talking about weight loss. I’ve been terribly skinny and I’ve been way to fat in my life and would like to find a happy balance that doesn’t require always covering up a tummy bulge, if you know what I mean? I’m an all or nothing kind of gal, I know how to eat right and can stick with clean eating and I know how to exercise something I’m willing to do daily but with age it seems to have all changed. I’m not looking to be a fashion model I just want feel comfortable with myself. 

That being said, I’m going to share with you my deepest darkest secret that only a few people in my life are aware of. I’ve decided to spill the beans and no longer be ashamed of my past, so here it goes….

I suffered with anorexia from the age of 13 to 32, the way I controlled my life was by starvation. I wasn’t one to ever vomit, I just didn’t eat at all. I was always amazed by how long I could go without food. There were times I’d go 2 weeks with nothing to eat just drink diet pop (which was probably killing me anyway). At the age of 32 I was wearing kids size clothing and my hubby and bff had had enough. I was checked into a Christian rehab (not voluntary I must say) so they could “FIX” me! At that time I had no idea why I did IT so how do you fix something that wasn’t broken in my opinion? 

I’m not going to drag out all the details of rehab but I will say I’m not “FIXED” I just learned a new way to cope. But I do feel after all those years of starvation I screwed my body’s metabolism up and no matter what I do I can’t control my weight, it’s up and down all the time! I have much more to tell you, so stay tuned for part #2 of the weight loss journey and the things I’ve learned about myself. (I don’t want this post to turn into a novel, so I’ll spread it out over time).

Before I go I wanted to share with you one of my favorite, easy, filling, and tasty breakfast recipes I have often. I sometimes even have it for dinner if hubby is out of town and I don’t have to cook that night. Below is a list of the products I use and as far as the protein powders go, the two you see are my favorite because of the flavor and ingredient list. 






  1. says

    Dawn, I know that was hard for you to admit publicly here. I have never been anorexic, but I have battled my weight almost all my life. I’m like you why can’t we just wake up skinny. πŸ™‚ The thinnest I got was when I took prescription diet pills while I was working for GP doctors and one of them prescribed it to me and the weight fell off until I came off of them and then got pregnant. Never been that thin again. I do protein smoothies, too normally for breakfast and two or more years ago had dropped 30 lbs and have put half back on and am stuck after turning 60 last year. My metabolism has never been good. I keep trying to just be okay with the way my body is, but it’s always a struggle.

    • says

      Kim, I feel just like you do πŸ™ I don’t need to be pencil thin I just want to be normal size and feel good in what I wear. Luckily my hubby doesn’t like the skinny look!

  2. Kathleen G says

    It’s not easy to write this post, and sharing your past anorexia and continue struggle with your weight is showing that being human is what we all can relate to. In my late teens, I took diet pills ( I got way to skinny ) and then downers to get off that jittery feeling. Eventually I stopped by Devine intervention and my Blessed mom. Thank you sharing your most vulnerable time in your life.
    I enjoy your blog and I’m hoping your son had a full recovery from his accident awhile back.
    Have a wonderful day, Kathleen in Az
    Hoping your majestic shepherd is doing well too!

    • says

      Kathleen, Wow good for your mom stepping in to help you. I’ve never did the diet pill thing and it actually never crossed my mind. Im proud of you for getting away from them πŸ™‚ And yes my son is fully recovered and back to work but it was a miracle for sure. God has plans for him and he’s meant to still be here.

  3. Melissa says

    Aww thanks for sharing Dawn. I really admire you😍Sending big (( hug))

  4. Jen D. says

    I’ll be turning 55 this month, so I understand the struggles at this stage of life. I cannot imagine how hard it has been for you with anorexia – how wonderful that your friend and husband intervened on your behalf and you got help. I used to smoke and it was really hard to quit. Once I did, I substituted gum for cigarettes. I went through an extra big pack every day. It really helped me at that time. I can understand how you’ve found another way to cope…I feel your discouragement. I don’t know if this is helpful or not, but peri-menopause and menopause are really going to mess with a lot of things. It’s hard to avoid gaining weight during this time of life. I’m more mindful of what I eat (but still eat bad at times) and try to exercise on a regular basis (I love Classical Stretch on PBS, walks, bicycle rides, and a bit of swimming). I’m finding it’s a process navigating through this new stage of life. I think it’s going to be so beneficial to talk about it, Dawn. Everyone has something they struggle with…everyone!

    • says

      Jen, Thank you for all the good advice and I’m not looking forward to menopause at all. I’m a very hard worker and never sit down I feel like if I do the weight will just pile on πŸ™

  5. says

    Thank you for sharing this, Dawn. So many of us, myself included, struggle with our weight. It’s so difficult to constantly be vigilant about what we are eating. Your smoothie recipe looks like a really good one. I’m looking forward to part #2!

    • says

      JoAnne, I hate that my entire life has to revolve around food it gets really old I just want to eat and be skinny, lol. Apparently that’s not going to happen though.

      • says

        Dawn, you are beautiful inside and out irregardless of your weight so don’t forget that! I can tell you have a family that loves you no matter what and I know that means the world to you. There are plenty of thin people out there who never find that! I try to keep my weight in perspective but it is hard.

        • says

          JoAnne aw how nice of you to say πŸ™‚ You are so sweet!

  6. Susan says

    I was always a healthy size 10 all my life until I had a back injury. A lot of the sports I loved were no longer possible. I slowly gained weight until when I retired at 65 I weighed 368 lbs. I have at this time lost 113 lbs in the last 16 months. It’s has not been easy but I am going to keep losing. I use food combining. It you might be interested then email me and I will give you some more information,

    • says

      Susan Congrats on the weight loss what a big achievement, you go girl. And yes feel free to send me over what you are doing πŸ™‚ I’ll pop you an email to later today! Thank you

      • Susan McInnis says

        I tried all the National diet plans but they didn’t work for me. I read tons of books and studied tons on diet programs and these are the things that work for me.
        1. No diet foods, no alcohol except for celebrations, no sodas.
        2. I only eat during a six hour time frame each day. (usually 12:00 noon to 6:00 pm) This increases metabolism.
        3. I eat until I am satisfied. I eat slowly and I make sure that my plate looks really nice with lots of raw veggies as garnishes. If it doesn’t taste really great I throw it in the trash.
        4. I use food combining. This is an amazing idea. Only eat protein with vegetables. Only eat carbs with vegetables. Eat fruit only with fruit. I usually eat only one type of fruit at a time.
        5. I exercise first thing when I get up. (10 to 20 min a day) This increases metabolism.
        6. I visualize that I am losing weight and that I am looking thinner.
        These 6 principles are working for me. If you have any questions then let me know by email.
        Good Luck!

        • says

          Susan I’m so grateful for all the information, thank you πŸ™‚

  7. Lorraine says

    I admire your honesty and courage for bearing your soul. You are in my thoughts and prayers. When I see your picture I see a beautiful woman who loves God and her family. I see a woman who has accomplished much. Your blog is one of my favorites!

    • says

      Lorraine aw thank you so much for the kind words and the prayers {hugs}

  8. Jill P says

    Thank you for sharing. Remember that we are not defined by our number on the scale. You ave a wonderful website and so many readers that learn so much and enjoy your stories, tips, etc. Thank you for letting us see another facet of Dawn. Lots of warm th o puts and encouragement to you. πŸ™‚ Jill

    • says

      Jill thank you so much for the reminder and the kind words πŸ™‚

  9. Cheryl Major says

    Dawn, I feel your pain. I also as a teen would go up to 4 days eating nothing but carrots and diet coke. Funny thing , then I weighted 130 and 5 foot 8 inches tall and thought I was fat. Now at 55, I weigh 100 pounds more and would do anything to weigh 130. I also feel I have spent my entire life wishing / wanting to lose weight. I admire your courage , and for what’s it worth, you certainly do not look overweight to me ! On a positive note, I have been menopause for years and I don’t find it any different now as to before to losing weight.

  10. Cindy says

    Hi Dawn, I know I”m late commenting, but here goes… I found that menopause did not change my metabolism one bit. I was told that I would probably gain 25 pounds when I hit that stage, but I didn’t.
    I have always been one who did not want to be skinny, my little sister is a size 4 and I secretly do NOT like the way she looks. And my older sister goes from six 4 to size 16 in a matter of months and that is just crazy, I think. She’s done it several times.
    I’m 58 and I would like to lose ten pounds, and am a size 12, but I don’t care enough about it to lose it. I try to be content with a healthy body and stay active.
    Skinny women tend to look old sooner because of the lack of fat on their face, you are a beautiful lady and I used to love your fashion posts. You always looked lovely.

    • says

      Cindy I’m like your older sister I can lose and gain weight that fast too. I’m also a size 12 at 5’7″ but feel better as an 8. I have another post coming up on a few tricks to sticking with weight loss. Thank you for such a kind comment πŸ™‚

  11. Pam says

    Dawn, there is an author named jasinda wilder, she has a book titled “Big Girls Do It Running”, Fantastic book about eating and weight loss. I’m losing a pound a week, it really works and no you don’t have to run! My journey is nothing compared to yours, thank you for sharing. The struggle is REAL for us over 50!

    • says

      Pam I will look for the book at the library today, thank you for thinking of me. I’m down 6 pounds in two weeks. Im determined to get the fat off and keep it off. Good for you on your weight loss.

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